Conflicting Emotions

I haven't been to the gym since last Monday, and I haven't walked (or done any sort of formal exercise) since last Wednesday (Jan 3). I have been active, though. January has heated up. I'm getting up an hour earlier to drive my husband to work, and even earlier when he has early physical therapy appointments. I'm staying up a few hours later every night because of my son's driver's ed class. I'm also running errands, sometimes with my husband and sometimes alone. I'm doing the grocery shopping again (first time in five years doing it on the regular) and other miscellaneous things. Dinner prep, also. Tired is an understatement.

My point? I feel conflicted about not getting to the gym. There's the philosophy that "if you want it bad enough, or if you really want it, you'll make it happen"
or "you'll make time". You know what I mean. On that hand, I feel that I should still be getting to the gym at least a few times a week. On the other hand, I am much more busy that I was even last month, and way more busy than I have been in the past year. It's an adjustment, for real. I feel like a slug -- I really would like to get to the gym more often ... but I've had to take on (or re-take) more responsibility at home since my husband's condition has deteriorated. I feel like a slug for not getting to the gym, but I feel really good that I've been able to take on these new responsibilities as my husband has been forced to give them up.

I feel great because I've surpassed my original goals. i feel bad because I don't feel I'm trying hard enough to make and achieve new goals. Conflict.

The bottom line is, I think I need to not beat myself up for what I see as slacking off. I have reasons, but they seriously sound like excuses to my ears. I know that there is an end in sight. David will get his driver's license in about a month. With this, my late nights will end (no more driver's ed classes to drive him to). Also, he can start driving his dad to work (until SSDI is approved) and appointments, and maybe even start taking over the grocery shopping for us.

I am still in awe that this has happened. Just this past June, I was walking with a walker. I was going straight home from work to bed, to be woken up when my dear husband brought my medicine, and dinner, to my room. Then it was back to sleep until time to get ready for work the next morning. Sleep at every opportunity -- that was my life for the past almost five years. Now, since I've been working with Julie and the wonderful staff at World Gym La Plata, I feel "normal" again. I can do all of these things that my husband can no longer do. And, get this ... I can help him up from the floor when he falls. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be able to do that.

So, I will go when I can, and I know that as soon as David gets his license, I'll be able to go more. Then watch out world! An improved Tammy will appear! Stronger, leaner, more energetic. Stay tuned....