Terminal Musings -- Rallying Around the Dying

I got some devastating news yesterday.  My 92 year old aunt is in renal failure, and is refusing dialysis.  I'm told by my cousin who spoke with our aunt's nurses that "she knows this is the beginning of the end".  They say that it could be as little as a few weeks until her final days.

A little bit about Aunt Kathryn:  She is one of ten siblings, my father's sister.  She is a retired nurse, and nun.  She is currently residing in a convent for retired nuns.  She and I share a birthday.  She is loved by many.

Yesterday afternoon and evening was spent in a group chat with my cousins.  We have created a group calendar online on which we can all post.  We are filling in the days with the dates of our visits to our Aunt Kathryn, so that she will not be alone for the rest of her days.

This all brought to mind when my sister was in the hospital, and the doctors told us that there was nothing else they could do.  It was time to transfer her to a Hospice House.  I called one of our cousins, who took care of calling everyone else in the family (this was before social media).  I also took my sister's cell phone and went down her contact list, calling all of her friends.  Her hospital room was never empty after that, save for the Sunday that she died (it's almost like everyone knew to not come to the hospital that day).  A friend my sister had had a falling out with years before even called to see if it would be okay for her to come visit.  When I asked my sister, she of course said yes.  There were tears on both sides, and apologies, and regrets.  This is why, after my diagnosis, I reached out to an old friend I hadn't seen or heard from in about twenty years.  That, though, is a story for another day.

During all of this, I couldn't help but wonder how it will be when we find out that my end is rapidly approaching.  Will all of the people who I haven't seen in a while come to say goodbye?  Or will they wait for my funeral to pay their respects?  I have seen stories in the news of people who have limited time left having a wake before they die.  I personally think that's better.  If we wait until my funeral, I won't know that you're there.

I also wondered this:  Why do we wait until our loved one is dying?  Shouldn't we show the love and caring we have for them always?  We're always too busy; always something pressing that needs to be done. Then I realized, that's not true.  I've been wrong about this for oh, so long.

• My cousins and I bring our families together once a year for a family reunion.  Our children and their children interact and get to know their extended family.
• I "see" old high school friends on Facebook.  Often, I'll see a post that one of them is having lunch with his father, or going to visit his mother in the nursing home.  Another flies frequently to visit her parents in Florida.  The constant posts about friends getting together.  There are countless examples of this, and I absolutely love seeing them.
• My family, friends, and acquaintances.  In every meal you provide to my family (yes, even three years from diagnosis).  In every fundraiser you organize/attend.  In every phone call.  In every visit.  In every, "Hey, let's go get coffee."  In every single comment/reaction to something I post on Facebook or Instagram.  In every comment you post here on my blog page.

I can die knowing that I am loved.  Not just by my family, but by many, many friends. 
And I love you back.

Why is our Aunt Kathryn's impending death affecting us so much?  I think it is because she is the last of her siblings, the last of that generation.  We, now, my cousins, sisters and I, are now of the older generation in our family.  I don't know about them, but that was something I never imagined.