aLive @ Stage 4!

It's just after 10:00am on Christmas morning.  Jimmy and I are sitting in the living room watching the Today show relaxing after a long day yesterday, Christmas Eve. We hosted the family Christmas party this year.  Jimmy's brothers and sisters (and their families) gather together on Christmas Eve every year.  Every year, as people get married, have babies, the crowd gets bigger.   We take turns hosting.  We haven't hosted in a few years; other siblings were taking our turn because they didn't feel we were up to it.  They were right, we weren't.  We weren't really up to it this year, either, but I felt compelled anyway.  I don't know, I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I wonder if this will be my last Christmas.  My doctors tell me that I have years left yet, but with a terminal illness, you can't help but wonder.  Anyway, I felt that I needed to host this year. We started preparing a few weeks ago.  I'm not gonna lie -- my house is never

The day started off like any other routine medical day.  A friend was able to drive me to the hospital for my appointments.  That's important because, as my blood pressure has been high when taken at the doctor's office, I'm supposed to take my anti-anxiety med before I leave the house, so that my blood pressure shows normal.  I can't drive when I take it. We left the house at 8:00am, hit a bit of traffic (not unusual), and pulled up to the hospital at about 9:20 for my 10:00 appointment.  I checked in at the clinic for my appointment with my oncologist, then sat in the waiting room.  I alternated between knitting and closing my eyes.  I was called back to a room just after 10:00.  The wonderful girl who takes my vitals (always has a smile and a hug) apologized for the wait and told me that they were running behind.  Not surprising, and no big deal.  Sometimes they run early, some times right on time, sometimes late.  All depends. I have my knitting and am content to

People have asked how they can be of help to us, so I thought I'd list some ideas out here. Most everyone has been so incredible (yep, I said most; some friends have disappeared, but those of you reading this -- incredible). People surprise me every day with kindness shown. It's phenomenal. There are some specific things that we could use. Some more than others. Yes, I know it's been three years for me and two for hubby, but neither of our illnesses is going to go away until we die. Our health is going to do nothing but deteriorate; neither of us is going to get better. It's incredibly difficult, having changed so much. So much that neither of us can do anymore, or do well. We both move so much slower now than we did even last year. We have to sit and rest constantly during chores. We've applied with Rebuilding Charles County/Christmas in April for assistance, but I'm really not clear on exactly what they're going to do for us. I believe that