aLive @ Stage 4!

I'm tired. I'm tired of pretending to be brave when really, I'm not. I'm tired of not being able to go places and do things because I'm exhausted or feeling sick. I'm tired of pretending to be happy and joyful when really I'm sad. I'm tired of trying to figure out if the person asking "How are you doing today?" really wants to know, or is expecting the "Doing well, how about you?" answer, and usually getting it wrong. I'm tired of explaining to people that even though I "look" better, I'm actually never going to get better. I'm tired of being worried about money, and being able to pay bills. I'm tired of how sickness has changed our family dynamic. I'm tired of making the drive to treatment every three weeks, every other time alone, and of feeling bad when someone does come with me, that they're so bored. I'm tired of being so tired when I get home from work that I do nothing but

===================================================== Please remember , and keep in mind --  I don't post these things to gain your sympathy or your pity; I post them so that you can see what the reality is for a person living with a terminal or chronic illness. ===================================================== In the past, I've talked about things that cancer has taken away.   Today I'll talk about the loss of independence. From the time I went to college at 18, until I got married at 31, I was pretty much on my own.  I lived with my parents for a while, then rented a room in a house that a friend owned.  After awhile, I bought my own house; lived alone for a few years, did everything on my own.  Then I met the man who would become my husband.  Once we got married, we learned, like every married couple, how to balance out the chores and how to live comfortably together.  Some things we still did on our own, but most things we did together.  Once our first