On Being Tired

I'm tired.

I'm tired of pretending to be brave when really, I'm not.

I'm tired of not being able to go places and do things because I'm exhausted or feeling sick.

I'm tired of pretending to be happy and joyful when really I'm sad.

I'm tired of trying to figure out if the person asking "How are you doing today?" really wants to know, or is expecting the "Doing well, how about you?" answer, and usually getting it wrong.

I'm tired of explaining to people that even though I "look" better, I'm actually never going to get better.

I'm tired of being worried about money, and being able to pay bills.

I'm tired of how sickness has changed our family dynamic.

I'm tired of making the drive to treatment every three weeks, every other time alone, and of feeling bad when someone does come with me, that they're so bored.

I'm tired of being so tired when I get home from work that I do nothing but go to bed.

I'm tired of being  so tired at work that I feel as though I'm not pulling my weight.

I'm tired of relying on my husband,  who has his own health issues,  to prepare the meals and take care of the laundry and other household chores.

I'm tired of the constant making of appointments,  and especially having to coordinate them.

I'm tired of being tired.

I'm just so ... tired....