Four Years Later

The median life span of a metastatic breast cancer patient is approximately three years.  It's been four for me.  That's cause to celebrate, right?   I've heard in the past of people celebrating their "cancerversary", the anniversary of their cancer diagnosis.  I never understood why.  I think now I'm beginning to.  It's not celebrating the diagnosis, but it's celebrating still being alive!  Here I am, four years later, surviving, sometimes thriving.  I had a woman tell me just yesterday that I was glowing.  Me.  Wow.  I feel as though, since my diagnosis, I am a more calm person, a more patient person, definitely a more scatterbrained person.  😂  It's been quite a rollercoaster ride, these last four years.  I wouldn't trade them for the world.

It was four years ago today that my world turned upside down. It was four years ago today that I sat next to Jimmy, in shock, in the nurse navigator's office, while that wonderfully compassionate woman made tons of calls to schedule four or five different appointments for me.  It was four years ago today that Jimmy led me downstairs from my surgeon's office for blood work to be done, then home.  Home to tell our boys.  That was the hardest thing.  That and telling my sisters.  I didn't want to tell them.  See, they had already lost a sister to cancer.  I didn't want to put them through that again.

In these four years, I think I've lived a pretty good life.  Yes, it's been difficult.  It's been damned hard at times.  About three years ago, my husband was diagnosed with Parkinson's.  I have spoken to his neurologist; when she said that stress can bring out the symptom's of Parkinson's, I specifically asked her if the stress of my diagnosis and his being thrown into the caregiver role could have done it.  Yes.  He tells me my feelings of guilt are unwarranted, but they're still there.  I always wonder if his symptoms would have stayed buried had it not been for my disease.

Sometimes things around the house don't get done, because everyone in the house is either too tired (exhausted, really), or there are more pressing things, so some things keep getting lower on the to do list.  In any case, it does get kind of comical around our house sometimes, with Jimmy and I trying to help each other.  Sometimes we bump into each other, getting in each other's way, when we're trying to help each other.  This result is guffaws of laughter.

So, the point of this post is to thank you all for your support over the years.  We couldn't have done it without you.  Here's what I wrote about it about a year and a half after diagnosis:  It Takes A Village.  And the support didn't stop after chemo and surgery.  The support is ongoing, and I am ever so thankful for that.  It happens so much that people help when the initial (whatever) happens, but after a time the support dies down.  Everyone is so eager to help at the beginning, but that help wanes over time.  As both mine and my husband's diseases are ongoing, we are grateful for your ongoing support.

Since that It Takes A Village post, I almost met Lynda Carter (The Night I Almost Met Lynda Carter), I actually met Rick Springfield (The Night I Met Rick Springfield), and I've been on a few nice trips.  These things wouldn't have happened had I not had a terminal illness.  This does not, and I can't emphasize this enough, does not make me thankful for my disease, nor does it make me think that "cancer is a gift".  Cancer is definitely not a gift.  I would give it all back in a heartbeat if it would take the cancer away and extend my life back to it's normal life span.  

This reminds me of when Jimmy and I were on one of these trips, and we were in a hallway passing a group of woman.  I was on a motorized wheelchair.  As we passed, one of the women said, "Not fair!" in a joking manner.  When we got out of earshot, my husband said, "Yeah, lady, you take the cancer, you can have the wheelchair."  Truth.

Here we are, four years later, and I am so very thankful to have you all in my life.  My family and I wouldn't be able to do this without all of you.  We thank you.  💙