Happy Birthday to Me!


Living with a terminal illness, I have a new appreciation of birthdays.  My 54th is today.  54.  Wow.  Where has the time gone?! 

I don't dread birthdays anymore: I welcome them, as so many aren't here to celebrate anymore.  They're actually bittersweet somewhat, with feeling blessed to have another, but wondering if it will be my last. [This brings to mind an article I wrote for an online magazine, Celebrating Our Lasts.  The online magazine is no more, so I wanted to share it with you here.]

I am acutely aware that this may be my last birthday.  That's not being morbid, that's being realistic.  Yes, my scans have been stable.  Yes, I look like I'm doing well.  I don't look sick.  The reality is, though, that I'm tired/exhausted more than I used to be.  I seem to be sleeping most of the day all weekend, every weekend now, not just a Saturday or Sunday every once in awhile.  I feel "sick" more often than not.  I haven't done the grocery shopping in years.  I haven't done any other shopping in years either, except for the occasional run-in-for-a-few-things shopping, and online shopping.  It's just such an ordeal to find a (hopefully) free handicapped parking space, drag the walker out of the van, get what I need before exhaustion hits, then load the bag(s) and the walker back into the van.  It's exhausting. 

It was *huge* yesterday when I did two loads of dishes, and ... made dinner.  It's very rare that I make dinner anymore.  Jimmy, though, has a nasty cold, and I wanted to make a special dinner for him.  It was meat loaf, mashed potatoes, corn, and green beans, if you're wondering.  No, not fancy, but one of our favorites.  We were celebrating our birthdays.  Mine is today, his is tomorrow.  It was a very nice, though rare, occasion when everyone was home for dinner, and we all sat around the table together.

My point here?  Celebrate.  Celebrate the big things.  Celebrate the little things.  Celebrate all things, as there will come a time when it'll all be over.  Cherish your life.  It's the only one you have.





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