aLive @ Stage 4!

I posted this on my personal Facebook page last night, and have been overwhelmed with the responses.  Everyone has been so, so kind and encouraging.  I thought I'd share it here, because living with a terminal illness is what made me take so long to take the jump after the but was put in my ear, so to speak.  I initially said, "No way!" but after talking with people about it and thinking on it more, I decided that I have nothing to lose!  And, if I am still alive to earn the degree, if I am still alive to obtain a certificated teaching position, that's more income for my family and a higher life insurance policy I leave for my husband.   📚🖉📚🖉📚🖉📚🖉📚🖉📚🖉📚🖉📚🖉📚🖉📚🖉📚 You guys. I just have to share. My heart is full. I haven't told many people this, but with the gentle push of certain people -- the one who put the bug in my ear in a conversation in passing, the one who praised me to that person, my co-teacher who calls me a teacher, and my husba...

Before Today's Treatment Today I sit in the chair in the infusion center for the 100th time.  (These 100 times are for treatment days; they are not counting the port access or the traveling to the hospital for scan days every three months for the past almost six years.)   100 times receiving the life extending medication keeping the cancer cells in my body from growing.  100 times having my port accessed.  100 times making the drive from Waldorf or La Plata to Georgetown, the past couple of years by myself.  100 times having my feet feel heavier with every step as I walk into the hospital from the parking garage.  100 times walking in to the infusion center to be greeted by name and with smiles.  100 times feeling stressed as my port is accessed (because I'm afraid of needles, and because sometimes the port likes to be troublesome).  100 times sitting in that chair for approximately three hours being fussed over by the staff while the life saving...

In the cancer world, there is NED (No Evidence of Disease).  In the metastatic cancer world, there is NEAD (No Evidence of Active Disease).  I'll tell you my story of NEAD.  Five years ago today, after having seven rounds of chemo (Taxotere/Herceptin/Perjeta), I had surgery.  The cancer cells had shrunk, but had hit a platau.  Chemo was taking a toll on me; every session got progressively harder.  So, even though there was no evidence that surgery would improve my life span*, we (myself, my surgeon, and my oncologist) decided that it couldn't hurt, and just might help.  * It's stage 4.  The purpose of having a mastectomy is to prevent the cancer from leaving the spot of origin to go to other organs.  That had already happened.  My breast cancer had already spread, to my left lung.  On September 11, 2015, I had a left modified radical mastectomy, with lymph node involvement.  12 out of 24 lymph nodes under my armpit were remove...

We were all shocked to wake up this morning to the news that Chadwick Boseman had died of cancer. We didn't even know he had cancer. I am very vocal about my disease; not everyone is. It's a personal choice.   I've been reading that people are surprised that he worked through it. He worked while he was receiving cancer treatments. That surprises people. The fact that it surprises people surprises me. Look around you -- there are plenty of us going through cancer treatment and still working, even Stage 4 cancer. 🙋‍♀️ It can be incredibly difficult. We have good days, and we have bad days. We put our best face on at work, but ... we are exhausted. We break down more often than you know. We "need a moment"... a lot. For instance, most days during class changes (I work in a high school) instead of standing in the hallway like I'm supposed to, I turn my chair around and close my eyes for a minute or two. When I get home from work I collapse on th...

If you give a patient a ride to the hospital, you'll have to give her a ride in a wheelchair from the car to the building. If you give a patient a ride in a wheelchair from the car to the building, you'll have to help her sign in at the front desk in the ER. If you help her sign in at the front desk in the ER, you'll have to go back with her to the cubicle and help her into bed. If you help her into bed, you'll have to stay with her while -- -- the doctor comes in and talks to her, asks her questions, does an exam, orders a CT scan, Zofran, and Morphine, -- the nurse accesses her port, -- the nurse draws blood, -- the nurse administers Zofran and then Morphine, -- the nurse brings her a blanket straight from the blanket warmer, -- the transporter wheels her bed to Radiology where she gets a CT scan, then back to the cubicle, -- the doctor comes back with the results, -- the nurse de-accesses her port and brings her discharge papers along with prescriptions. If you stay ...

After about three months of doing not much more than sleeping and eating, I made the mistake of stepping on the scale this morning.  ...or maybe it wasn't a mistake.  I knew I was gaining weight.  Seeing the number on the scale cemented it. If I don't go back to walking and working out, I'm going to end up having my own 600 lb life reality show.  So I got my ass outside and walked.  My goal was 2 miles.  I walked around Hampshire Circle so I couldn't stop early; once I hit the halfway point there was no cutting it short.   After I got started I thought,  "This is it.  This is the me I want to be, not that me who stays in bed all day."  The good news is that I did not undo everything I accomplished last summer.  I still have my balance and my strength.  Weight loss is too general a goal to have; my goal is to keep maintaining my balance, increase my strength, and to feel comfortable.   This extra weight is unc...

Saturday, March 14 Today marks my 78th cancer treatment.   In a few weeks I will mark my fifth anniversary of my first cancer treatment.   It's still very weird.   Here's what's been rolling around in my mind for the past week or two. What a week it's been!   If you haven't heard yet, I've become the JV Softball coach for the high school that I work at.   I know!  I can't believe it either!   So this past week I've stayed after work for practice,  getting home around 5:30pm.   It makes for a long day,  but it's so much fun!   In addition to that,  I've stared selling hair accessories through Lilla Rose.   Lilla Rose is a direct sales company,  but there's no need for party hosting.   If you're interested,  you can order directly from my website and have it shipped directly to your house.  Here's the link to my website:    Lill...